


your love is bright as ever (even in the shadows)

by tongham



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tongham/pseuds/tongham
Summary: linked pinkies mean “i love you.”
Relationships: Ham Wonjin/Song Hyeongjun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	your love is bright as ever (even in the shadows)

**Author's Note:**

> technically-speaking,, i DID start writing this yesterday... i was just a bit busy with errands and real-life stuff lol. i was gonna pull an all-nighter but i'm too old for that F.
> 
> but this is day 12 of nano!! back with longer works!!! i was scared i was stretching myself too thin but i think it turned out alright? i can't believe it took me 12 days to write hamlem... i don't deserve my pseud lmao. canon-compliant but also a bit of divergence? the gomakz vlive takes place earlier than the one that just happened, there's no relation i kinda just made that stuff up lol.
> 
> title from xo by beyoncé.

wonjin still can’t believe he gets to call song hyeongjun his.

it’s a constant thought, one that’s been occupying wonjin’s mind ever since his future groupmate and former crush said yes to his rushed late-night confession in february, but he still finds himself coming back. those sentiments of gratitude flood in moments like this, the moments where hyeongjun is nestled in his arms, sleeping peacefully.

_(”hyeongjun, don’t you think this is a bit dangerous?” wonjin asked the first time the younger boy slipped into his bed after their confessions, fumbling through the darkness._

_the room was completely silent for a moment before hyeongjun’s whisper perked up again. “yes but i’m exhausted and i always sleep better with you.”_

_let it be known that wonjin is weak, soft-hearted, a fool for his lover. with that in mind, he pulled hyeongjun close and into his arms, both parties benefitting from a good night’s rest. they’re not willing to compensate_ that _for privacy.)_

drawing him away from fond memories is the slightest stirring in hyeongjun’s sleepy state – most likely the younger boy just shifting to a more comfortable but wonjin is attentive, shushing his worries and murmuring sweet nothings as he runs a hand through hyeongjun’s curls.

“wonjin? did you say something?” a question is asked from below – allen – and wonjin’s hand freezes in his boyfriend’s bangs, squeezing his eyes shut as he regrets the decisions that brought him into this situation.

“no,” wonjin says dumbly and he feels hyeongjun vibrate with laughter below him.

glaring down at the noise, the younger boy simply flashes his innocent eyes and all worries of getting caught flee wonjin’s mind – if it so happens, what the hell. wonjin wants the entire world to know that he’s the lucky one in love with hyeongjun.

* * *

as exciting as it is to debut, the preparations are nothing short of exhausting – wonjin’s first glimpse into idol life, the processes he’ll repeat every number of months for years as a member of cravity. when he gets tired, wonjin reminds himself that he loves this and he likes to keep busy, it _is_ ultimately exciting at the end of the (very long) day.

after completing his individual duties at an album-intended photoshoot, wonjin excuses himself to the restroom for some much-needed space. this location is bearable; pleasant, spacious, and clean – maybe a bit _too_ clean, porcelain interior gleaning in all directions.

washing his hands with scalding water, wonjin fights the urge to splash water on his face as he stares down his own reflection in the mirror. the company’s makeup artists are good, don’t get him wrong, but in this moment, all he can see is his fatigue-stricken features.

rubbing at his eyes, the door far across the spacious restroom swings open and wonjin looks up blearily, expecting a groupmate or company staff member tasked with tracking him down after his sudden disappearance. he’s not wrong – hyeongjun _is_ his groupmate after all, music to his ears – but he gets the sense his boyfriend isn’t here to drag him back into the public eye, in front of the flashing cameras.

“hi.” hyeongjun meets his eyes, much more said between them than a simple greeting. the younger boy strolls leisurely to the line of sinks, hopping up to sit on an empty patch of counter.

“hey,” wonjin says idly, hands already on hyeongjun. from above, the smallest smile plays onto his lips before wonjin presses his own forward, longer and more lingering than they typically get to.

hyeongjun giggles into the kiss, soft and sweet against wonjin’s lips. “missed this?” he says, tone dripping in an unfamiliar flirtation. wonjin wants more of this hyeongjun.

wonjin nods, thumb brushing against hyeongjun’s soft cheek – his warmth is much-appreciated in the midst of their wintry debut preparations. “tell me, hyeongjun, is it always this exhausting?”

hyeongjun laughs softly, chastely kissing the tip of wonjin’s nose. “it gets easier the second time around. if you need a good night’s sleep tonight, you know where to find me.”

quietly enjoying this rare moment to themselves and each other’s presence, wonjin is leaning in to kiss those lips again when the sound of a door creaking open interrupts the couple. all at once, wonjin backs up, hyeongjun leaps off the counter, and woobin’s eyes fall on the two boys mindlessly turning on faucets.

woobin just nods in acknowledgement of the two, crossing the floor to the toilets, and wonjin lets out a sigh of relief. returning to a familiar state of silent aloneness together, the couple meet eyes in the mirror, hearts thumping from the adrenaline. wonjin wants to capture that cheeky grin on hyeongjun’s face, it always makes their close calls worth it.

* * *

it’s no secret at starship entertainment that wonjin sees it as his personal responsibility to take care of hyeongjun, a long-standing truth that raises no suspicions anymore. it’s comforting, gratitude for the conviction of their denials from a time when they weren’t dating, from a time when they weren’t lying or deflecting.

gratefully, no one bats an eye when wonjin brings water or snacks for hyeongjun only, when the elder gravitates to his side, when he worries too much for hyeongjun or stares for a bit too long. _just wonjin and hyeongjun being wonjinandhyeongjun again._ it’s exciting, as young and childish as their hearts are, to do mundane things so openly, a shared secret of a deeper meaning between them as the members roll their eyes again. it’s exciting in the moments when hyeongjun pulls him away from the group, signalling riskier and more overt actions to come – carefully-considered and explicit words of gratitude, kisses on cheeks and uttered _i love you_ s.

with less than a month left between the present and cravity’s scheduled debut, most days are spent in the dance practice room, a familiar environment from years under the company charged with a different electricity. it’s that electricity that propels the group forward, in that room and its surrounding premises from sunrise until well past sunset on “rest” days – in this context, _rest_ just means _no filmings or shoots._

on this night, serim and minhee leave for the dorms together and it’s just wonjin, hyeongjun, and taeyoung left in the big, echoing room. the youngest boy is still bouncing with boundless energy, bless his heart, and hyeongjun is trying his best to play along. wonjin sees that – he also sees the bags under his eyes darkening in real-time.

when taeyoung pauses the music again, wonjin calls out to hyeongjun from his position on the floor. grateful for the small break, knowing his boyfriend has the purest intentions to care for him at heart, hyeongjun allows himself to sit down, back against the wall and wonjin pressed to his side in an instant.

“let’s go home,” wonjin blurts out immediately.

hyeongjun’s eyes widen, shaking his head minutely. “but i still need to – “

wonjin puts a finger to his lips and hyeongjun attempts a bite. the elder’s expression doesn’t lose any of the love or concern. “you can do that tomorrow. you need rest, baby.”

hyeongjun looks sharply over his shoulder – safe this time, taeyoung’s watching back their practice video from the daytime hours. “don’t call me baby when there’s others around!” hyeongjun lowers his voice, barely audible.

“so i have permission to use it all i want when it’s just us two?” wonjin says, intentionally-flirtatious to pull a reaction, voice a bit louder to be heard over the music playing dimly from the speaker system. hyeongjun glares at him. he’ll take it as a resounding _yes._ “anyway,” wonjin continues, “please stop being so hard on yourself. you’re doing great. they’re gonna love you out there.”

hyeongjun laughs shortly. “of course you’d think that. i just... i need to do better. after last time.”

wonjin’s heart is stricken by a sudden pain in his chest – it’s familiar, hyeongjun promised to be honest with his emotions and wonjin when they began dating. “hey, look at me.” hyeongjun raises his eyes and words are no longer needed, falling flat and dull in comparison to the language beknownst only to them, the fluency and complexity of emotions they can convey between them with just one look. consider it one of the pros of dating in secret.

a small smile playing onto his lips, wonjin can’t resist when hyeongjun’s looking at him like that – he _has_ to lean forward for a peck on the cheek. the younger boy gasps audibly at the contact, impulsively shoving wonjin’s shoulders hard and he tumbles to the ground, laughing all the way. “don’t do that again!” hyeongjun whispers sharply, glaring at his boyfriend muffling his giggles in his arm, curled up in a near-fetal position.

“guys?”

wonjin sits up abruptly and hyeongjun’s neck snaps in the direction of the voice, taeyoung now facing the couple with the computer screen illuminated behind him. “yes?” hyeongjun says weakly, wonjin speechless and out-of-breath from his fit of giggles.

“anything you wanna go over before we pack it in for the night?”

wonjin sends a glare hyeongjun’s way, powerful enough to compel the younger boy to look his way. “nope.” wonjin simply smiles and pats the hand resting in the space between them.

* * *

cravity’s debut succeeds without a hitch, the routines of music shows and virtual fansigns quickly becoming familiar. as quickly as it started, it ends and they fill in their empty schedules with a series of live broadcasts, each day a different combination.

when serim approaches wonjin and hyeongjun about going live as a group, they both play hard-to-get until their leader promises food in exchange. that evening, they sit in front of a company phone’s camera with black bean noodles and various styrofoam side dishes as a trio.

hyeongjun is visibly in a good mood, arguing with wonjin over the smallest things and dropping random vegetables in his unattended container. poor serim, stuck in the middle of their banter, concerns himself with reading enough comments and answering enough questions to compensate for the other two members.

when the eldest slides out to dispose of emptied containers, halfway through, hyeongjun hops into the middling chair, scrunching his face up cutely at the camera and speaking to his particular fondness for wonjin today. the elder simply laughs, growing louder when serim returns in much bewilderment at what has unfolded outside of his supervision.

“i really like wonjin today,” hyeongjun says innocently, hugging his boyfriend’s arm.

serim stares for another moment before nodding – what else is he going to do? – and sitting down in hyeongjun’s former chair.

the trio are catapulted into retellings of first impressions, traveling back in time and swerving off-course every now and then to various other anecdotes from the good ol’ days. serim and hyeongjun working in equal measure to recall a particular detailed anecdote, one wonjin was absent from, the elder picks at his food, methodically moving the invasive vegetables littered among noodles to hyeongjun’s plate and the younger boy mindlessly continues eating over the course of the story.

when hyeongjun finally puts his chopsticks down, his hands return to his lap and wonjin takes the chance to nudge him with his elbow – it may have been visible on camera but it’s fine. what comes to follow remains invisible to the public eye, linking a pinky finger with hyeongjun’s own. it’s sweet, intimate in the subtlest of ways. wonjin quickly concludes he prefers this to hand-holding.

hyeongjun sneaks the smallest glance his way when their fingers come into contact but serim asks a question and he quickly diverts his attention. they’re getting pretty good at this whole secret relationship thing.

when the camera stops rolling, serim promptly excuses himself to go find jungmo and employees quickly exit to go home, leaving the young couple alone together. they stay where they are, barely touching, the wide table acting as their fortress, mindful of the risks of eagerness.

after an extended silence, more certain that they’re truly alone, hyeongjun weakly lifts up their still-intertwined pinkies. “what was this about?”

examining their hands as he weighs his options, wonjin lets out a contented sigh and chooses cheesy – he chooses the truth. “i’ve been looking for a way to say _i love you_ when i can’t say it aloud.”

when he looks hyeongjun in the eyes, the younger boy is already staring intently at him. the small smile on his lips, the adoration in his eyes accelerates wonjin’s heart rate. _he is so lucky. “_ this works,” hyeongjun says quietly, nodding in agreement. a wide smile splits onto wonjin’s face at the approval, at the common knowledge established between them. _linked pinkies mean “i love you.”_

* * *

if anyone had to be first, they’re both glad it’s jungmo. yes, his initial reaction will be insufferable, but jungmo can be trusted to be kind and understanding and keep a secret. hyeongjun argues that a relationship is a tall ask for a secret but wonjin’s confident – he has to be, right?

wonjin has to be confident in jungmo’s secret-keeping abilities more than ever now, the eldest entering the dorms in the quiet way he always does when the rest of the group is out to dinner to celebrate the end of promotions, wonjin and hyeongjun coincidentally both exhausted from the day. it’s too compromising to spin a lie, the couple cuddling on the loveseat, faces close in the afterglow of long, sweet kisses.

“where is everyone?” is all jungmo asks blankly, startling wonjin in particular and his elbow comes up to hit hyeongjun’s chin. the younger boy curses under his breath and wonjin lightly pats his shoulder in encouragement, much too aware of jungmo’s sudden presence.

“they went out for dinner. where were you?” wonjin shoots back with some questions of his own, voice sharp as he’s set on edge by this compromising situation.

“got lost for a bit,” jungmo replies, his way of romantically wording a stroll around their quarter of seoul. distracted in the kitchen, he cracks open a can of pepsi and pivots in the direction of their rooms. “alright, see you guys later.”

“you’re not confused about...?” wonjin speaks up dumbly on the taboo and hyeongjun hits a palm to his forehead, noise worryingly-loud.

jungmo hums in question, peering over his shoulder. “not really. i already assumed you two finally started dating when hyeongjun came back.”

now it’s time for the couple to share their emotions, incredulously asking “what?” in unison, necks craning.

jungmo just laughs. “wonjin, tell me: who was looking after you as you cried yourself to sleep all last july?”

wonjin’s face heats up and hyeongjun giggles at the new information, the most perfect blackmail. “okay, go,” he says sternly, pointing in the direction of their shared room. “and don’t tell anyone.”

“i swear i won’t.” it’s said with a light chuckle but wonjin knows he can trust jungmo to respect their wishes for privacy, their wish to slowly tell the world as they become comfortable. despite the conversation that just ensued, wonjin habitually waits until the door closes shut to wrap his arms around hyeongjun again.

* * *

if wonjin were to summarize the depth of his feelings for hyeongjun in one simple word, he would have to choose _pride._ he’s so proud of hyeongjun in every way there is: from his skills to his achievements to his personality, simply who he is. when hyeongjun has to wake up early for school, wonjin is always there, tired but always mindful to be positive and encouraging, silently echoing words of affirmation as hyeongjun rushes around to prepare himself for the busy day ahead. when hyeongjun has to squeeze online classes into the group’s leisurely waiting-room time, wonjin doesn’t disturb him and silently remains in his presence, busying himself with his phone and leaving the other members to their own loud and animated conversations.

wonjin comes home from a dinner outing with jungmo to see hyeongjun sitting alongside minhee, cravity’s future high school graduates, at the kitchen table, papers skewed across the surface and the students’ eyes trained blearily on the bluish light of their screens. jungmo singsongs a little gloat about his long-ago diploma and minhee stares him down with furrowed eyebrows, the eldest promptly scurrying down the hall at the reaction.

wonjin doesn’t cop out like that – not when he can read the fatigue and frustration on his boyfriend’s face. sliding into a neighbouring chair, wonjin mumbles a soft “hey,” compelling the younger to take his eyes off his work for just a moment. “you good?”

“i’m just _lovely,_ wonjin, thank you for asking.” minhee is watching the pair with a careful gaze now, voice cutting into the muted atmosphere and dripping in passive-aggression.

wonjin just rolls his eyes at the tall boy, ensuring he catches the sight before he turns back to hyeongjun. “take a short break, alright?” the younger boy nods noncommittally and wonjin sighs, knowing his words weren’t registered when hyeongjun gets like this. he tries minhee next. “have you two eaten dinner?”

minhee shakes his head. “woobin made rice earlier but we were busy. and taeyoung ate it all.”

smiling smally at the little things in cravity, their group and little family, wonjin brings himself back down to earth, to the boy he has an arm thrown around. “it’s not much but i’ll make you two some ramen. and no multitasking as you eat.” he picks up a stray pencil, tapping it on hyeongjun’s keyboard to catch his attention at that crucial information.

“huh,” minhee hums indecipherably, standing up and wonjin swears he hears some bones crack.

wonjin reaches up into the cupboards after turning on the electric kettle. “what?”

“nothing. just surprised hyeongjun isn’t the only one getting fed here.” minhee uses his height to reach for the ramen first, holding it above wonjin for a short moment before handing it down with a smile. “we _all_ know he’s your favourite.”

wonjin has a feeling he’s being teased, the ambiguity in minhee’s words sets him on edge, but he ultimately drops the subject, shooing the younger boy back to the table as he prepares his silent way of expressing his affections for hyeongjun – and his contempt for minhee, dumping half of his proper seasoning packets in hyeongjun’s cup, broth noticeably darker.

* * *

whether it comes as a surprise or not considering their lifestyles, wonjin and hyeongjun have never been on a date. wonjin, cheesy as he is, assures that he views every moment with hyeongjun as a date, that time spent together is enough for him. at those words, the younger boy predictably shoves his shoulders before wistfully confessing he wishes they could act out the clichés of first love.

after one of these admissions on the day of the first snow, wonjin comes up with a plan that lands him outside hyeongjun’s door, stealing his boyfriend away from serim and taeyoung.

they almost make it this time, unbearably close, when seongmin spots them from his spot in the kitchen. “where are you guys going?”

wonjin peers over his shoulder at the youngest member. “out.”

seongmin frowns at the short, flat response, not used to the elder boy’s lack of soft-heartedness. “okay. you should take a selfie stick, though.”

“for?”

“a vlog? content? our duty as idols to document every waking moment of our lives?”

wonjin laughs at seongmin’s quip, eyes turning to hyeongjun. with a regretful look on his face, his boyfriend picks up a stick resting on the kitchen counter with a small sigh of defeat.

when the couple exit the building, hyeongjun gives wonjin’s hand a small squeeze. “it’s alright. this” – the younger boy wields the stick around dangerously and wonjin snatches it out of his grasp before he whacks a pedestrian – “won’t make it feel like any less of a date.”

“still,” wonjin breathes out, a cloud of hot air appearing before his eyes, “i wish i could give you everything you want. i wish we didn’t have to keep this secret.” his voice falters in the subtlest of ways, emotions catching up to him.

hyeongjun pauses in reflection, steps coming to a halt and wonjin backtracks. “i wish everyone could know too, wonjin, but don’t ever think i’m unhappy like this. i wouldn’t give this up for anything. i’d never be able to give up on you.”

wonjin is speechless, relying on his eyes to convey the moment’s emotions to his lover. hyeongjun’s eyes flicker back, shining. _he understands,_ wonjin rests assured.

“shall we begin?” hyeongjun says, the lack of context confusing wonjin before the younger boy pops his phone into the selfie stick, pressing record and positioning the camera to include them both in the frame, adjusting the angle to focus on their faces.

“we shall,” wonjin responds easily, double-checking that their hands aren’t visible in the frame before linking his pinky with hyeongjun’s. _i love you._

**Author's Note:**

> whew!! that was a lot!!! i wrote it in the morning (i'm an habitual night-writer) and kinda rushed to post it (read: i did Not read this over once) so i hope there were no glaring errors like there have been with some other fics this month...
> 
> expressions of appreciation are much-welcomed as always!! hmu on twitter @deuichas or at curiouscat.me/tongham


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